Tuesday, May 4, 2010



It's the night before your physics test. You're panicking, and you tell yourself you'll study so hard you'll vibrate with studinessity. You end up spending the night watching Iron Man instead. You wake up completely unprepared and you swear to God if you had a time machine you'll go back through time and kick yourself in the arse for being so easily distracted.


The test turns out to be so hard that everyone, even those who prepared for it weeks beforehand, ends up screwing it up. You still fail, but you fail with the satisfaction of knowing everyone else failed along with you.


You decide you want a drink so you slot in two one ringgit notes into the vending machine. You press the button and patiently wait for a bottle of coke to pop out. Nothing happens.


Hours later, your roommate comes in and screams, "I'm freaking lucky today man! I bought one bottle of coke from the vending machine and instead I got two!", to which he happily proceeds to share the extra bottle with you.


You're talking to a hot girl and you tell her the joke about Haha and Hehe being friends (Haha died so Hehe went to his grave and said, "Haha, you're dead."). She is not impressed and there is a very awkward silence between the both of you.


You're talking to a hot girl.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Kuching Laksa is King

It sucks not being a Kuchingnite.

We may not have the best malls or the tallest buildings or toilets with the sprinkly thing that squirts water up your butt, and we're named after the word kuching which is the Malay word for cats, a word we can't even spell properly, but hey, at least we have our laksa.

And that is enough. Kuching laksa is king.

All other laksa are little girls in comparision because Kuching laksa is king.

If laksa was around when James Brooke was still the White Rajah, he'd relinquish his throne and give it to laksa, so we Sarawakians would be the only state every to be ruled by a bowl of laksa, because Kuching laksa is king.

If there was a three way fight in the upcoming Sibu by-election between BN, Pakatan Rakyat and Kuching Laksa, Kuching Laksa would win hands down because Kucing laksa is king (and also MP).

Mr. Chong ak Choon should be made a national hero for opening up Chong Choon Cafe, home to the best laksa in the world, which is amazing considering all Kuching laksas are awesome and Kuching Laksa is king.

I would walk five hundred miles and I would walk five hundred more just to be the man who walks a thousand miles before I'm at Chong Choon Cafe's door, because Chong Choon Cafe's Laksa (and Kuching Laksa in general) is king.

And that is enough :)

Saturday, July 4, 2009


Day 1 In College:

Went to room 312 and met new roommates.
Unpacked everything and left for lunch.
Returned to room 212 and said hello to more new roommates.
Realised I was in the wrong room.
Said goodbye to fake new roommates and walked out all manly-like.

Day 2 In College:

Woke up at 5.30am.
Took a bus to INTEC.
Attended talks and games for Orientation Week.
Took bus home.
This is where I sleep.

Day 3 In College:

Found dead bat on the floor.
Gave dead bat a funeral in the thrash can.
Wondered if I should become Batman.
Decided Iron Man is cooler than Batman.

Day 4 In College:

Repeat Day 3, minus dead bat and fantasies.

Day 5 In College:
Repeat Day 4, plus dinner at Darwood, a mamak place.

Day 6 In College:

Went to Midvalley Megamall with friends.
Got lost in Midvalley Megamall.
Got conned into buying a Touch n' Go card.
Took a Rapid KL bus in Shah Alam.
Got lost.
Took 45 minutes to travel 3km.
Realised I have no sense of direction at all.
Found room empty upon arrival home.
Turned off the light and went straight to bed.
Door banged loudly.
Found out I locked a roommate out at 12.30am.

Day 7 In College:

Had breakfast in Darwood.
Headed to KL.
Went shopping for clothes.
Optimus Prime has a penis.

So in the movie, was that scene where Optimus fought the three decepticons actually a foursome in disguise?


Friday, June 26, 2009

My Irish Pot of Gold

So I got a call from JPA two days ago telling me that I'll be going to Ireland instead of India. I was playing Guitar Heroes at the time and I still had the guitar strapped around me. It was then that I realised how bad my BM is when I'm panicked.

Me: Er..jadi, india itu...tak...umm...masih ada...india..uhh..

JPA Lady: Apa kamu kata? Saya tak dengar?

Me: Umm...jadi Ireland..uhh...bagaimana? Ah..itu India..

JPA Lady: Saya tak faham. Adakah kamu tidak berminat?

Me: Bukan, bukan. Terima kasih. Umm, uhh...

Then I mumbled something about not being able to talk properly because I was out (which I wasn't) and I asked if I could call her back and I put down the phone before I even got her name.

A few seconds later, I called back and a lady answered. I didn't know if it was the same lady so the conversation went like this next.

Me: ..uhh...kamu...adakah kamu orang tadi?

Then my mum got fed up and took the phone from me and proceeded to have a delightful conversation with her and all I could do was sit there while they made fun of my speaking ability and shred what little dignity I had left with me.

And that's how I found out I was going to Ireland.

I'll be doing my A-levels in Shah Alam, then I'll be shipped off to Ireland for 2 and a half years and then kicked back to Penang where I'll study for another 2 years. It's called a twinning programme, but I call it betsy, just because.

Registration begins on the 28th, so I have to shop, do my mantoux test, fill in my forms, get my hasil stamps and have them chopped, watch Transformers, and learn how to wash clothes and iron properly in 2 days. Which, needless to say, leaves me very little time to spend my last days in Kuching the way I intended to.

The last breakfast meal I had was a bowl of laksa from Chong Choon at Abell Road, and my last meal in Kuching was a half a bowl of wantan mee.

And now I'm in Shah Alam!

Why won't anyone write me a "Goodbye Jonas, I'll Miss You" tribute post? :(

Saturday, May 30, 2009


After years and years of making dumb stereotypical jokes about India and the people living in India, karma has finally caught up with me. I'll now be studying medicine in, you guessed it, India.

On the bright side, India is reknowned for its culture, food, Slumdog Millionaire and Jaiho, and its seemingly infinite supply of corpses for students to practise on. But on the other hand, it's also reknowned for Datuk Shahrukh Khan, Bollywood movies and Koochee Koochee Kuh Tah Heh, and its seemingly infinite supply of poo.

You don't mess with Shahrukh Khan.

Course, India has Aishwarya Rai to make up for that, so I guess it's all good.

Before heading there though, I'll be taking my A-Levels at Kolej Teknologi Timur in Sepang for a year and a half. This is how my future college looks like.

I'll be off by the 6th of July. I think I'm supposed to learn how to speak Tamil before somewhere along the way. Vanakam. I make a good Samy Vellu impression, wonder if that helps.

You don't mess with Katrina Kaif because she's mine.

I have a month left in Kuching. Bye bye everyone. Gabrielle Jee, you owe me breakfast if you're reading this.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

A Jonas Brothers Post

I always knew the Jonas Brothers band belongs in the same category as Miley Cyrus, Hilary Duff and Taylor Swift. Not the crap music catering for tweens category, the other one.

That one.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Gabrielle Jee Forgot to Thank Me

See? See?

I am now happy.

Thanks to everyone except Gabrielle Jee :)

Life is good. Like box of chocolate.